of here and now

Saturday. Gorgeous weather, so we decided to let our skin get tongue-kissed a little by the scorching sun. I must say, all this playing hard to get business by the sun has made it even more and more desirable. And I was smiling the whole time to the many things I saw - thinking that once again I'm in a familiar territory and all these familiar sights are no stranger to the likes of Hyde Park on a sunny day. The bare skin, the PDAs. And I swear it wasn't until yesterday that I knew spooning was acceptable in public places. Tom Ford's sunnies, the Ferraris, the H2O bodies, the flabby abs, the surfboard abs...ooh hubba hubba. The flush and the wealthy however, decided to up the ante and brought their little ponies out. I, on the other hand, was on the other extreme - turning green and contemplating if I should scout around for some cheap rollerblades on eBay.


And in the crowd of many happy smiley faces, something caught my eye. The sight of a young boy, about 16, perched on the grass - picking on the grass and looking into the distance. And at the risk of sounding presumptuous, something told me that he wasn't happy. He looked miserable and restless. And that look on that young boy's face is what is unfamiliar. Not on a day like this. Not when the sun is out and everyone is out to play. He looked as if he didnt know what he was doing there and that he wanted to be somewhere else.

I felt like going up to him. I want to tell him that it is inevitable that most people feel that way sometimes. Almost everyone feels like they want to be somewhere else. Or be somebody else. Or be with somebody else. Or have a different job. And have a different life.

But at the risk of sounding ungrateful, you accept things the way they are right? You don't question, do you? You can't question. Because it's wrong. Though I'm pretty sure that this is just a phase what you're feeling. A temporary lapse of judgement. Something I tell myself everyday. You can't wander if this is it? Because this is it. You accept. You settle.

But yeah. Saturday. Gorgeous weather.

cheryl you rock my socks

I think I may have a crush on Cheryl Cole. She's damn hot and damn street! Ashley Cole is so bodoh.

my life, a super drugstore

What baffles me sometimes is the amount of time I spend in a drugstore like Boots or Superdrug. Last night alone, I spent half an hour trying to decide on a mascara. I blame the exaggerated, over-inflated (and possibly false) advertising for putting me at an inconvenient crossroad, when I had to decide between two brands where one markets itself as a SuperLash Mascara and the other as giving XXL Volume. And the fact that I’m such a huge sucker for advertising didn’t help the matter.

An hour later, I bought neither of the two but left the store instead with a mascara which would supposedly make my lashes go Sky High. From mascaras, I moved to dental care. And I almost surrendered at the sight of the display of Oral-Bs and Listerines.

While realising that the cost which discerns one product from the other is trifling, I also realise that the quality of one from the other bears minimal difference. Yet too much deliberation and thought had gone into something as trivial as that. Because there I was – spoiled for choice.

I can find a certain kind of parallel between that and my life at the moment. I am presented before me an array of opportunities of what I can do with my life. While there are many career opportunities which tickle my fancy, not one stands out as the clear winner. They are not really what I want to do.

Life was so much easier back during the day when I had to write a 100-word long essay on ‘Who do you want to be when you grow up?’ I went through a phase where I wanted to become an astronaut, and even that went unchallenged.

But today, a job is more than just something that pays the bills.

Today, a job has to be something lucrative and something that parents are not ashamed to tell other people about at a cocktail party/kenduri kahwin. A job is something which determines the first reaction of the person whose hand you’re shaking for the first time. Especially, when you’re asked:

“So what do you do?’
“I’m a….” At which point you will either get a “Oohh! *eyebrows raised, impressed smile* or an “Oh.” *twitched nose, pathetic smile*

A job has little or nothing to do with passion and what gets you out of bed in the morning.

A job is also something which people use to define self-worth. No, seriously. I actually have a friend who (subconsciously) cultivates and sustains friendship based on their occupation. She only has friends whose jobs are from her dubbed Top 5 – which are engineers, lawyers, accountants, doctors and architects. She denies it, but after screening through her Facebook friend’s list, one can only affirm that it is indeed true. ;)

I don’t know who to feel sorrier for. Those with jobs who don’t fall within her Top 5, or for those who feel that it is important to have an important career to feel important.

Recently, I flirted with the idea of entering into a career, which most people wouldn’t expect I would. Teaching. And the wave of negative responses I received when I mentioned it to everyone, was very discouraging to say the least. “How are you going to support yourself?!” That question came as a shock actually, especially when I don’t see teachers living off the streets, in rags and living in poverty. I am so confused.

I attended the Career’s Fair held in London organised by some Malaysian students recently. The event was flooded with kids (fresh graduates), carrying around their resumes with so much passion and motivation in tow, selling their souls to the devil. Where else I……I just wandered around feeling old.

But I did take a chance and went from booth to booth and tried to make the best out of my fake smile and belted out when necessary....my oh my, it would be an absolute honour to be part of your firm.

Truth be told, my career at that point, could have been determined by a toss of a die or a flip of a coin and it would have made no difference to me, at all. Because here I am – spoiled for choice.

If you could write a letter to your past self (say 10 years ago), what would you say?

Well this is what happens when I’m left to my own devices. Anyway, this is what I’d say….

Hey you,

• Over the years, you will be tempted several times to say hurtful things to those who have hurt you, or those who have as little as irritated/annoyed you, even unintentionally. You’ll say hurtful things to retaliate or say it out of spite. And my god are your words like venom! So don’t. You'll never know who you might need help from in the future.
• A bad relationship is like a drug addiction. You think you need it, but it really is bad for you. At a hunch that it's gonna go bad, leave. Second chances are a waste of time.
• Throughout your teenage years, you'll find a certain fascination for the 'bad boys'. I don't know what it is. But I could tell you now that it is a complete waste of time. Sometimes, the geeks and the shy guys have more to say and more to show for themselves. But you’ll hear people say that you have to kiss a few toads before you score with a prince charming. But even that is a waste of time. Because the toads will fudge you up and screw you over. That by the time you meet your prince charming, you're damaged goods.
• Stop blaming others for your circumstances. Your parents tried their best to make the best out of a bad situation. They’re humans too.
• Stop acting so cold to people - just because some girls appear different from you, or do the things you won’t normally do, doesn't mean they're not good people. They're more similar to you than you think.
• Smoking, drugs and alcohol are so not cool - no matter how cool other people look doing 'em.
• Good guys don't always finish last.
• Love is friendship set on fire. Friendship comes first, and romance follows suit. It never works the other way around. At least not for you.
• Have little expectations of others, but high expectations of yourself.
• Give more, take less.
• There is going to be this monster called Facebook - which is going to take over the world by storm, and take over your life. Just so you know.
• Also, let me tell you, that there will be times when you get thrown into a ditch and you wonder if you can ever get out – get out alive that is. As surprising as it seems, you will come out just fine. You will come out better than fine.

Happy sweet 16!