poison & wine

Dear frequent reader,

I know you come here now and again. This one's for you.

Forgive me for intervening, and forgive me for assuming that you are interested in what i'm about to say. But i've been reading your recent entries, and i can't help but feel that almost every one of them, if not all, resonates with how i feel, or at least with how i used to feel when times were bad. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what you're going through at the moment. And honey, you really got it bad :). But it is okay. *hugs*

And this sweetie, may seem like the most ridiculous thing you've heard all year, but it is a pretty good place where you're at. Coz it's a pretty good place to start all over again. The only way from here babe, is up. Coz soon, or now (if you let it :) ), even the simplest things can make your day. Like a flirty text from a cute guy, or a nice friendly gesture from someone random, or looking extra good today in your pretty little dresses that you adore so much, or a good laugh with your mom, or a good scent, or a good song..... anything bloody simple is capable of making your day. And it is all these simple things that are gonna toughen you up. And before u know it babe, you're over it. YOU ARE OVER IT. It, him, whatever.

Some years ago, i was in a similar state. I remember my lone, pathetic walks around the block at night. With a fag or two, as if they could take the pain away. I remember the train rides to Birmingham to my best friend, just so the weekends would pass by quicker and would seem a little bit more bearable. I remember watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. every freaking night before i go to bed, as if all that humour could deafen the silence. And truth be told, that show, albeit very funny and hilarious to this day, leaves some sort of a sour after taste when i catch the reruns - if i were truly honest.

And soon for you, like how they did for me, things will get so beautiful and amazing, to the point that'll make you say, "i may have done something so f*cking amazing in my past life to be granted all this. how did i get so lucky?" :)

Sometimes when i look back, i do miss all, what i used to call 'black and bleak'. Of course, I could have done without the pain. But the ride up the hill was good. I was happy and free. I was invincible. And you, will soon be happy, free and invincible.

I recall a time during all that black and bleak. I got back from work one day, and ordered to go one nasi goreng ayam from a Malaysian restaurant nearby. I had it at home and remember thinking that the nasi goreng tasted extraordinarily good, and I felt extraordinarily happy about it. I was smiling in the shower. And then while I praying, during sujud to be exact, you may think this a lie, but i felt as if i was lifted - and for a moment i thought i was floating on air. And it was as if something or someone tugged on my heartstrings and said, the point is now; your pain ends here. :)

So there. Again, forgive me for intruding. And assuming that this is all welcomed and invited. But consider this an outreach programme. From one patient, who has made full recovery, to another, who is about to make her full recovery. :)

And all those pathetic love songs, yeah put them on repeat, why not! They help!