(yet another) Unsent Letter

Dear McGifferters,

Guys, this is as raw as it gets. I just wanted to wish all of you Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin. This raya is going to be different for me, and maybe for you too. Remember malam raya of 03? I'm gonna remember that night for the rest of my life. The night when Tod cooked ayam kuzi and when Abe's parents didn't call? Remember our raya song? Anehnya rasa hari raya ku di sini. Looking back, it wasn't even aneh at all. While it's gonna be great this time being able to spend raya with my family back home inshaAllah, I will definitely miss all the pathetic ways we did to make our celebrations what they were.

I was a pain at times I know. And the crowd goes, 'No shit, sherlock!' Ok calm down. I am fully aware of that. But I only let the moodswings surface to people I care about. So if you see them loud and clear, you know I've got love for you hehe... It was mostly stress-driven guys. With exams, or events, or relationships. But stress is no excuse, so please forgive me. And to the penghuni-penghuni tetap/tak tetap of 303 McGiffert, hopefully you can halalkan my makan minum for the past years. I go over to your place and eat all the food sesuka hati i. Memang tak tau malu. But thanks for that and many, many more. For the good times and the bad times.

When all of us get together again eventually, god knows if things will ever be the same again. But this has to be said - I found true friends in each and everyone of you. And true friends last a lifetime. Like I said to Tod, there's a reason why most of us are still hung up over the past. Coz there was definitely something there.

Be careful on the road. Take pics and share!

Much love,
Fera

Bubbles

I live in my own little bubble. Well, sometimes they pop and I fall. But before long I build myself another one, and float again. My possibilities are endless in this sphere. Although it’s fragile and flimsy, with its microfilm surface and it being easily susceptible to change and circumstance, for as long as it lasts, everything within it is pretty and simple. What is seen as impossible and ridiculous in the outside world is the creed which I live by in this place.

Most times I float solo. Other times I bring other people in. The criterion is simple – they must want to dream with me. They don’t even have to dream what I dream or see what I dream. All I need is for them to believe in it – I need them to believe in me.

Now and again people will come and poke around and tell me things that I already know. Things I’ve heard for a million times from the fools and the wise. Like how the dream is impossible and stupid and there’s no way in hell I can achieve it, let alone sustain it. But that is life. The realists will always try to tear you away from your dreams – and some even do so with the best intentions. But somebody once told me that one of the main purposes in life is to be able to part away with what is so-called realistic once in awhile. To escape to a place where what you are capable of is not limited to what other people deem as acceptable and commonly achievable. To learn of your many potentials and use it to make a change and make your mark in this world.

Dom Helder Camara once said, “When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality.” The ride in this bubble is best taken not alone. When you have someone to share it with, the (im)possibility of that dream, the realisation of it and the nonsensicality of it becomes almost irrelevant.

It is good to dream. No matter how far-fetched or how remotely connected it is to where I am or who I am at the moment. Because dreams pave the way for something else in the future. This 'something else' may be far from what I initially hoped for, but it is this dream that brings me to meet my destiny. It’s the whole ‘shoot for the moon; land in the stars’ concept basically. So what if I don't get my infinity pool? A swimming pool in the backyard with the shrills of little kids may be just as fulfilling if not more.

To fellow realists, I hate to burst your bubble, but you don't know what you're missing. Good night and sweet dreams.