the unquestionable companion

There is nothing much in this fortress. Just me. And of course my DVDs. A lot of DVDs. And boy have I got all sorts. Those that I play to laugh at for the 88th time, or those that I play to pick my brain with once in a while, or those that I play for that clamour in the background. Do not undermine the importance of these DVDs, because if I was honest, there is no other moment that I look forward to most than my time alone with my DVDs. Even on a day out with friends, family or whoever, not before long, I'm counting the hours in my head before I am reunited with my DVDs.

It's a crazy obsession this one. And I'm anal about my time alone with them too! It's not the same when I have company around. Because then my focus will be shifted to the guests and my mind will constantly be worrying if they're alright, if they're comfortable, if they need a drink or if I need to fluff their pillows again. My focus is no longer on the DVDs.

I make exceptions for people I really like though. If I really like you, I'll invite you into this fortress with me and we can watch the DVDs together. You at one corner, me at one corner, and with miminal conversation between us, we can enjoy the DVDs together. But it's possibly a different case altogether if I really, really, really like you. We don't have to sit at opposite corners, and conversations or no conversations, before we know it, the DVDs will be nothing more than a clamour in the background.

Very soon, I will have to leave this fortress and learn to let go of my time with my DVDs. I'm not sure if I'll be okay with that. After all, we've spent so much time together and been through so much together. But I guess it's only fair. It's about time I step out and see the world a little bit - see how everyone else is doing and what they're upto. See if anyone needs someone to talk to or a helping hand.

I'm not ready to give them up. I'd like to think though however, that if something comes up, and the world gets a bit chaotic out there, I am still left with the choice to revert, to my time alone with my DVDs.

I want this day documented. What I feel now, what i think now all to be documented.

people say ignorance is bliss

Not too long ago, I made a solemn promise to stay away from any form of prediction of the future - horoscopes, tarot cards, crystal balls, tea leaves or tok bomoh. Not that I had any inclination to try the latter, but you know what I mean. I owe this to an incident about a year ago, where I, out of sheer idiocy, agreed to have my future be prescribed by a deck of cards. I had a lady, who, now that I recall, resembled an eerie similarity to Amy Winehouse - gave me a spiel on what it's gonna be like and what to watch out for. And if I was honest, it was all downhill from there.

Granted - what I did was wrong, and to be swayed by the outcome, was even more wrong. I realise that - but that wasn't after I spent months deliberating on the choices I made, the path I led, and the risks I took, some of which the wise would dub foolish. It could be fun and games all this. But not for someone like me. Someone who takes everything out of context, and gives everything meaning even though they're not meant to bear any - someone who puts everything on a specimen slide and then magnifies it at 10x. I can never get the 'humour' in all this.

But for someone who looked like a junkie, the tarot card reader was pretty spot-on. She said things that she could not have possibly known. But then again, one may argue that they were generic. I mean, who isn't slightly neurotic at times and who doesn't secretly yearn for the unattainable?

*

I was out having dinner with people from work the other night. I think we were running out of things to talk about when the partner turned to me and said, "I took palmistry in university." Word in the office has it that he uses that as an ammo to pick up ladies on a Friday night, and that he's actually pretty damn good at it. He took my palm and looked at it as if he was reviewing a set of financial statements. With so much scrutiny, he read that line and read the other line and said what it means when this line meets that line.

All I could say was, damn. And that was when I remembered why I took that solemn promise in the beginning.

*

Ok promise or no promise, I make an exception for my magic 8 ball. I can't live without my magic 8 ball. My decision maker, my prop on my night stand, my best friend. Especially at times when I wake up in the morning and I give it a shake and ask, "Should I go to work today?" and its response is: "My sources say no."