incomplete

What is this that I'm feeling that makes me feel as if I've been robbed off of the luxury of many, many things. Like time, summer, money, silence, my own thoughts, my own pace, self-control. Time, being the most prevalent.

While change is inevitable, I struggle to understand what was it that triggered this in the first place. From a girl who could not bare more than two hours being without company, I morphed into someone who demands moments of solitude - some solid me time and nothing more. I am not lil ms. popular or ms. important. In fact, as always, I sit unadjusted on the other side of the spectrum. But the wind has pulled me from many different directions as of late, and I need to let the dust around me settle for awhile and find its rightful place.

Now and again I flirt with the idea of taking the next flight out to Venice. I can be gone for awhile and I can give some stupid excuse to those who care. Pungent cheese, gondolas and gorgeous martinis. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but then I’ve only got myself to please.

My mind is in four different places at the moment. My heart won't sit still. Sorry seems to be the ultimate favourite word, yet I don't know what it is exactly I'm apologising for. I want to do so much to make things right, but these idle limbs are averse to change.

I had this 10-year plan - meticulously prepared. If I were to run it by you, you'd say it's perfect too. But I look up and I see this brick wall. It was nowhere in the blueprint. What is this stupid brick wall?