The V Word

To the Angelinas and Brads,

Happy Valentine's Day.

With love,

The Jennifers.

Speaking of perspective...

Human beings are cursed with the devil that is dissatisfaction. The heart is like a bottomless pit, that no matter how hard you try to fill it with its darkest desires, it keeps wanting more. Is it a trick that life is playing on us? To test our conscience and our appreciation of whats around us. That at the instant we show no sign of gratitude, life without warning takes it all away. And there you are witnessing the gems and diamonds slipping through your fingers, wishing that if only you had spared some time to see what's in your hand, and not what's in the hands of others, they'd probably last a little bit longer.

Work has been awfully hectic these past few weeks. In the beginning, I've been so curious about the infamous 'busy season' of the audit world. And here I am, tasting the very essence of it. It's when the partners and managers throw the associates a.k.a newbies, to the deep-end - from the ticking and bashing, to making coffee for the partners to the way they like it. One sugar, no milk. To say that I'm not in the least bit insulted is an understatement. But if that's the name of the game, what the hey? I've been eating sandwiches everyday at work till they taste like paper. I've been pushing my client-interrogating skills to the limit that I almost made a client cry. One time, I had nightmares of not being able to reconcile a balance of $14.95. And of course, the long hours are a given.

Yet, buried underneath that pile and pile of journals and invoices, is this little old me discreetly curving up a smile. A smile of what I call, "I think it's pretty cool what I'm doing at the moment" smile. Although I've had moments where I asked incredibly silly questions that made my manager go 'sorry, what!?', I'm quite glad for how much I've learned and developed in such a short span of time. And I keep replaying over and over again in my head, how I managed to make a grey-haired accountant, who's been doing his job for almost 20 years, question his own accounting practices. I must say that felt pretty cool - not for the fact that I made that poor old man tremble in his pants, but to realize that intimidation can be an illusion.

But nothing ever lasts - not even how things look through your eyes. One night, I was on the phone with an old friend, and she was telling me a story. A story about an acquaintance who's known for her good looks and big bucks. Just got married to her high-school sweetheart, also known for his good looks and big bucks. They tied the knot in one of the most glorious weddings dubbed 'Wedding of the Year' by local magazines and photographers. Not seeing the need to work, she quit her job and decides to just delve in the wealth and fortune of her father. Travels the world in expensive shoes, and dines and sleeps in the world's finest.

I looked back again at how my week went by. All of a sudden all the 'accomplishments' I was proud of seemed puny. All the 'Great work' and 'Thank you for your hard work' seemed insignificant somehow. All the 'satisfaction' was just a consolation for a typical young woman in her 20s, who in honest truth might as well be programmed robots. I'm a girl who's always dreaming of a fairytale, but in the end settles for normality and routine. And I ask myself, Who am I kidding?

{insert title here}

From afar I see,
A revived smile,
And that twinkle in your eyes.
A lighter breeze,
A heart at ease,
Leaving what's July.

From afar I hear,
A serenade,
Of triumph and delight,
What was then,
Small baby steps,
Now they're big, bold strides.

A map, a compass,
A friend called time,
A walk into the sun,
Tis' time to leave,
For I believe,
That my job is done.