Year-end shennanigans
I was hungry one night - so famished that I think I could have eaten a horse. So I thought of having some cereal. I took out the milk bottle from the fridge and saw that it was frozen! Started swearing at my fridge for acting up again. I never seem to get the temperature right with that thing. So I thought, fine. I'll have some ice cream instead. Took the pint from the freezer and guess what? The ice cream had melted and was runny. How is that even possible??? I gave up, tossed that thing back into the freezer and with no rhyme or reason, started bawling like a baby. Paid no more attention to the rumbling noises my tummy made and went straight to bed.
Is it just me or is there something in the water? Seriously y'all, what is up with these emo blues lurking up in the air yo!? Relationships failing, friends falling out, self-esteems hitting a record low, friends already considering a career change - what is it with the '05?!
I receive calls from friends and if they're not in tears, they'd be completely silent, wallowing in their own sadness - just a bunch of sighs and a bunch of 'I don't knows' as conversation fillers. Sometimes I get emails and texts - something about boy/girl drama. And I just sit there feeling helpless, wishing that there was more that I could do to help. I go blog-hopping and I come across random pour-outs of one's emotional baggage. Truth be told, all of this has become too overbearing - not just from shit of my own but of others around me.
I was positive about the '05 initially. I was gonna graduate, get my first pay check, live on my own and the works. Of course I anticipated all the hardships, but I never knew that something else had to give.
Now as the end draws closer and closer, I drown more and more in dissapointment. If growing up is about learning and changing for the better, I look in restrospect at my life, and find nothing that could merit as being a positive change in myself, be it spiritually or emotionally. It's as if I've lived every single day in this year only to unfold every flaw which could possibly exist in me. Now that every flaw is laid out on the table, what do I do about them? Rectify it, you say....well, just tell me where to start.
Let's leave the bad behind, shall we? And bring along the good for the next hurdle. Here's to the end of '05!
posted by phelicious @ 11:31 AM
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