ifs and thens

I go to most of you asking for an opinion, because your opinion matters to me. Perhaps I am tired of thinking and tired of weighing the odds, and I ask of you for that missing piece that confirms that yes, I am doing the right thing and yes, I am right to think the way I do.

I know sometimes my decision may seem stupid and reckless and unsupportable by solid and promising facts, but all I'm asking is for you to stand by my side. I am not stupid and I am a person of reasons, but there are just some things that even reasons can't help explain. One day if things fall through and you'll be itching to say you were right in the first place, I would spare you the agony and admit to myself that you were right in the first place. But I'd also thank you for giving me the chance to experience it for myself and realise it on my own.

Last night I was up thinking about whatever happened to the basics that make up friendship. That loyalty and unconditional support that will see through the most difficult of moments. For years and years, I've seen friends get into shit, the repercussions of which and the pain that may ensue as a result of that, were too obvious to ignore. Many times I would feel like confronting and reminding and nagging. But that annoying smirk on their faces, that excitement in their voice and all that happiness, as a result of their decision, were even more impossible to ignore. Go grab life by the balls, I'd say and bask in your own glory - momentarily or not, that is beside the point. And if things don't follow as planned, that's okay, I am here to go through it with you.

So I guess when I went to you in the first place, I wasn't looking for an opinion. As much as they do matter to me, first and foremost, all I was looking for was a friend.