lost and found

Over the years, I've lost so many things - friends, lovers, phone numbers, polly pockets, earrings. To date, I think I own more one-half of earrings than those that still exist in a pair. Surely, some losses were more painful than others, but in retrospect, I know now that the greater losses were for good reasons and some were definitely good riddance.

But what I find though, while it is okay to lose your marbles once in a while, or a strand of hair or two, or to simply lose - period, it is never okay to lose perspective. To attain one is a challenge, but to maintain it is a whole different story altogether. It's like.... finding the perfect man. Ok hands up, I have drifted away from the sidelines on several occassions, but whatever force that pulled me back on track, I am forever grateful for you. The fundamentals however - what I want, what I believe in, what I thought were ridiculous or impossible from the onset have all stayed with me - except that now my reasons for them speak in greater volume.

KL is teaching me life's little lessons - lessons they should really have taught in high school but didn't, like Living with Authoritarians and How (Not) To Deal With Non-Punctuality. Like today, I learned what to answer to your mom when she's yelling over the phone about how you're never home, when in reality you've been spending all your time at Borders, trying to finish a good book. Lesson learned - you don't. You just keep on reading.

I'm in a place where I haven't been before. It's a wholesome feeling this one. But it's all a big old circus over here. And I'm just afraid I might lose myself again.